Sex and the Community: Rape Culture and What we Can do About It

Written By Julie Gras-Najjar and Navila Rashid

When we met each other 3 years ago over french fries at a classy late night McDonald’s hangout, we had no idea we’d be embarking together on a humble but hopeful journey to create a safe space for survivors of  sexual violence.  Motivated by our own personal traumas and the similar experiences of many of our friends, we decided that being angry at horrifying news articles wasn’t enough.  We wanted to start a larger conversation.  That conversation started with our project, The Cathartist, and continues here.

Many of us have watched in shock and horror as story after story of sexual violence, rape, and abuse have come to the forefront of news and media in the recent months.  Our reaction is generally one of disbelief, anger, and blame.

“How could this happen?”  “Some people are animals!”  “Why would she be alone with a man? “

Our conversations about sexual violence generally stop there.  If we think of rape and abuse as isolated incidents, something that would only happen to that type of person, in that area, in that community, there isn’t much we can do besides show our outrage and go back to our lives, right?

It turns out, we’re all part of the problem, and we can do something about it.  Let’s start by defining a phrase we may have heard in the media: rape culture.

Rape culture is a term that describes a culture in which norms, ideals, practices, and media normalize, condone, tolerate, and even glorify sexual violence.

One of the most insidious aspects of rape culture is that those who participate in it generally don’t realize it.  But anytime we’ve said that men can’t control their urges, anytime we’ve thought a girl wouldn’t be harassed if she dressed differently, anytime we’ve heard someone blame a victim and we’ve said nothing, we are participating in rape culture.  These individual problematic instances feed into problematic social norms that perpetuate communities and cultures that fail to address sexual violence.  Rape culture has manifested in our communities, and denial and stigmatization are an obstruction to fighting the oppression of sexual violence. God calls upon us to fight and drive out injustice and oppression, but to do this, we have to look into ourselves and ask honest and frank questions about sexual violence in our communities.   And yes—we have to talk about sex.

The stigmatization of sexual violence stems from the way we frame and discuss sexuality.  If individuals and communities are hesitant to talk about sex at all, it is very difficult to have a framework within which to discuss sexual violence.   Understanding and teaching the differences between healthy and unhealthy sexuality is key in preventing abuse and breaking down harmful myths about sex.  Unfortunately, ideals of sexual purity, virginity, and marriage create an incomplete and problematic picture of sexuality that often ignores consent as an essential component of a healthy sexual relationship.  This incomplete picture, combined with a cultural hesitance to discuss sexuality in general leaves new generations without comprehensive and healthy frameworks with which to combat the often unhealthy messages portrayed by cultures and media.  If we can foster an atmosphere where individuals feel safe to express concerns and questions about sex, we can then begin to challenge pathologies in our cultures and communities that contribute to our rape culture.

A great place to start these conversations is in our religious communities. We need to cultivate a space in our communities where we can tackle these questions, regardless of how uncomfortable or taboo they may be.  We need to ask ourselves, how do socio-religious norms that we internalize help perpetuate harmful assumptions and attitudes about gender and sex?  Can we identify some of these harmful norms, ideals, and practices in our own communities?  If so, what is our role as individuals and communities in dismantling them? Are our leaders fulfilling their duty to guide communities on these issues?  Finally, are we fulfilling our duty to be supportive and compassionate towards those who are suffering, or are we allowing stigma, judgment, and silence to be part of our response to those in need?

When communities label sexual violence and assault as taboo subjects, we begin to descend toward believing that victims of rape, molestation, sexual harassment are the cause of their own victimization. Too many times have we heard stories of brave men and women who sought help from their communities and leaders after being abused or assaulted, only to be rebuked, judged, or blamed.  We believe that community should ideally be the first line of support a person can count on, not one that they fear and avoid. Not only do these responses directly hurt survivors of sexual violence, they also perpetuate the silence that allows for cycles of violence to continue.

These conversations are challenging, uncomfortable, and intimidating. They are one of many reasons why we founded The Cathartist. Beyond providing a medium for survivors of sexual violence to share their voices, we hope these voices help engender a space for the community to understand both the causes and consequences of sexual violence among us.  Our vision is that one day, communities everywhere can work together to combat rape culture and prevent violence and abuse against all.  Today, let it start with you, the individual.

Julie and Navila are co-founders of The Catharist, a forum that aims to provide a safe space for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories, as well as a platform to voice ideas and strategies to combat rape culture in our communities.  Share why you speak out against sexual violence on their Tumblr, Words Over Violence, and follow them on Twitter and Facebook at @TheCathartist.

 Check out the modified and Published article on Altmuslimah. com | http://www.altmuslimah.com/b/gva/4780